4-15-09 A Loved One Dies

I had so many dreams that were so happy, but they all faded away from my memory upon waking from this last scene. I was standing outside on the sidewalk in front of my old apartment in Hidden Valley and some young girl, around age 10 or so, came up to me. It wasn't certain, but I believe she was meant to be a neighbor of Rhonda's. She came up to me and I asked about Rhonda, and the little girl said, "She passed away! She had cancer!" and said it almost nonchalantly, as though I had already known and that...well...I can't imagine anyone delivering such news in a manner that she did under *any* circumstances. It had happened 2 days prior in the dream and I hadn't heard from my dad. I started crying and put my hand to my face and was asking myself why hadn't Dad called. I thought that maybe he was busy making arrangements but I was very upset.

Before that I vaguely remember being in a group sitting around a long, rectangular, dark, wooden table and someone asked where I had been... I said, "Getting paid to have sex," -- I had been making amateur porn with Phillip.